Some Guys Have All the Luck

The car overheated I called up and pleaded
There's help on the way
I called you collect
you didn't accept
You had nothing to say


 Well the end of another adventure and things took a bit of a dip. We left Orlando on time and Disney put on a bit of a light show as we encountered lightning 30 minutes into flight, never a good sign when pilot asks crew to belt up. We then suffer the usual North America bouncy bouncy hour and by the time I get to a freezing Manchester I am all over the place. We arrive early so no bay and we park the little lady a bus drive from terminal. After waiting 20 mins for bus we get to bottom of stairs in sub zero and the bus rolls off full. We wait 10 mins in freezing cold until bus arrives. Then the biggest queue of the week and not a fast pass in sight. Immigration is a free for all and takes us 45 minutes to get through. Not best start to day but nothing on whats to come. Get to car and dead as a dodo, we wait 1 hour for AA who charges up and we then see someone left on vanity light. AA guy disappears having charged me up, I reverse and lose the clutch and stall car dead again. We await AA guy for another 30 mins and he follows us out to make sure I don't rs it up again. We finally hit motorway and halfway home need a service station kip and an Eric Rose bucket of coffee to see me home. I then find out my R&C colleagues are just waiting for Real Madrid to pocket £6k between them, I forgot to put in my bet so sting in the tail for me, but delighted for my colleagues. Maybe just as well as I would probably have cost them the line. Anyway the hard day does not tarnish a wonderful holiday with the Moll, T2, T3, John, Justine and Aisling and not forgetting Mickey.

Total Eclipse of the Pool

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks




Well it's to be mid 80s for our swansong tomorrow/today and I am giving up going to Universal with the moll, T2 and T3 and instead will unleash the budgie smugglers on the fellow travellers who rest their heads in our fair pool complex. Need to give the body a bit of a bronzing ahead of our return to what looks like a fairly cold Scotland. Also more uncomfortable unleashing the mass this side of the pond where at times I look slim compared to others.

Would have delivered some images but left wide angled lens at home!

Brilliant Disguise

So when you look at me you better look hard and look twice
Is that me baby or just a brilliant disguise




Clearly one of the main events in any Disney holiday is meeting the characters and we managed a few. Some people take it so serious and yesterday we waited in line to enable T3 and Aisling and maybe an overgrown boy to meet Pooh and Tigger. The family in front had a couple of lads around 5 or 6 but when they came to meet the Pooh they disintegrated into a mass of quivering jello and ran into the corner not wanting to meet this creature that was 5 times their size. They were clearly petrified but the parents having waited in line were having none of it and clearly wanted the boys to have this initiation ceremony. The Da lifted both boys under his arms and dragged them kicking and screaming for a horizontal meeting with his hero. From such little acorns life's can be scarred.




T2 decided to have a Disney park frenzy on her last full day and left us at Animal Kingdom to do all 4 parks in one day, following her dad's footsteps from a decade or so ago. To be fair she also did most of the major rides in each park whereas I only did it to sample ice cream and fudge in each park.



She noted that in almost every park people commented that she sounded just like Mereda from Brave. The funniest comment was from Tinkerbell when she was getting a picture taken with her and Wendy. Wendy remarked that her voice was just like the Scottish hero and Tinkerbell in a pure Tinkerbell moment said 'yeah, but at least her voice and hair are real!' Miaaaow.



Well it's been a great hol and great to meet friends new and all but all good things come to an end and the blackberry will be opened for first time tomorrow ahead of our trip home......I need something to pass the hours away.

Haitian Divorce

No tears and no hearts breakin'
No remorse
Oh - congratulations
This is your Haitian Divorce




Well we are joined for the last few days by the Moll's brother John, Justine and Princess Aisling. They have flown in from the unbelievable cold temperatures of Minneapolis to join us. Even a Florida baltic 60 degrees seems warm to these guys. Aisling has sprouted since we met last year and is certainly powered by Duracell. We decide to dine nearby and visit the Japanese restaurant beside the apartments.
Doesn't take long for the theatre to unfold and we are treated to a couple of hours of culinary showboating which was well received. It seemed to be shrimp, shrimp and more shrimp but seeing the knife skills at close hand was brilliant. At the end of the day I have had tastier food but loved the culinary theatre.








Biggest talking point was a gentleman at the next table who introduced himself as Brad from the Bahamas. He picked up on my accent and explained his dad was originally from Ayr. He was very confident and appeared to know everything about everything and you could see his fellow diners looking for the eject button. His chef Eto arrived and immediately Brad remarked he was not Japanese or Chinese which went down like a lead balloon. Eto explained that he was from Haiti which Brad could not comprehend. As Eto performed his culinary masterclass the Banana from Bahama tried to make it a duet and had a remark for every move. He also said there was not enough wasabi and that he preferred his food spiced to death. The biggest offence was his comments on Haitians not knowing how to mix cement which he claimed caused most of the issues in their recent earthquake. His table started leaving one by one eventually leaving the Bam with the lady on his arm. I only hope that Eto managed to spice his food enough that Brad had a Johnny Cash this morning.

Beautiful

I am beautiful no matter what they say.
Words can't bring me down.

If I Should Fall Behind

We said we'd walk together baby come what may
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as we're walking a hand should slip free
I'll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me
Well a good night sleep in the house of the rising sun and woke to find a brand new day. Appreciated I was the new kid in town and decided that there was going to be no heartache tonight. Although I like to live life in the fast lane, I was definitely not taking it to the limit today to avoid being that desperado who ended up doolin in dalton. So I am going to take it easy ensuring I have a peaceful easy feeling. I can't tell you why I wrote this drivel but as a last resort I will get over it.




We gather our things and head to the park for our complimentary wizard hour. Wasn't sure how we were going to get to the park and then remembered the local rickshaw firm Deborah & Harry Inc said call me if you need transport, indeed call me any any time call me.




So call them we did and they duly arrived while I was hanging on the telephone. Denis invited us to join him on the journey, he wasn't sure the way but said he'd get us there one way or another. We reached our destination in one piece and the hardest part was saying goodbye.




Well we duly arrive at Hogwarts and for once common sense prevails and I let the Moll, T2 and T3 head for Dumbodoors adventure that led to my downfall yesterday. I hang around and take a few photos and record the odd train number to keep myself occupied.








Amazing how cool you can look hanging out with the steam turbines.

I Married a Monster from Outer Space

They'd go.. nudge nudge ...when we got off the bus
Saying it's extra-terrestial - not like us
And it's bad enough with another race
But f... me... a monster ...from outer space



I have nothing but praise for the Moll and treasure every minute with her but sometimes I worry. Consistently she makes up her own words to songs clearly in another language, today she walked into a rock walking to the Mummy ride and on every occasion she has failed the fingerprint test at the entrance gates and created gridlock behind her. Each time it comes up no fingerprint.....clearly from another planet.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

Potter you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that I'll be fine
I'll be here at the front of line
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?







Well we get into urry up arry world 1 hour early but could be like an England Ashes innings if I succumb. The rest are raring to go. Could be a day for the camera. All this assumes there is no wanted posters for Seasick Bob.

Save Your Kisses for Me

Now the time is moving on and I really should be gone
But you keep me hanging on for one more smile


Nice one in a minion moment

Life's Been Good

I live in hotels, tear out the walls
I have accountants pay for it all




A nice late birthday surprise from the Moll who has booked a birthday night for the 4 of us in the Hard Rock hotel within Universal Studios. As well as a night blessed with the finest AOR on the planet we also get unlimited express passes that enables us to miss the queues on all rides for next 2 days.
During check in I am blessed with Fleetwood Mac, The Cars, Aerosmith, The Boss and Foreigner. I would gladly stay here all day but the park beckons. If only I had went with my instincts I could have avoided my Potter incident.




Currently warmer in dear old blighty but glorious sun. Water rides are off the menu today and also the bigger rides, out with my appetite, remain closed until at least 5 degrees for fear of frostbite at the top. It soon becomes hazy, crazy and fazy after my incident. A few hours and a sundae later we hit Hard Rock Cafe for some scran and normal service is resumed.










I must repay the Moll at her next birthday and think she has been dropping hints as anytime the Macklemore song comes on she sings 'Look at your cups like silicon boulders' instead of 'Put our hands up like the ceiling can't hold us'. Sounds like breast wishes for the Moll in April.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
What a Green Day!




Well it finally caught up with me and I ran out of Hufflepuff mid afternoon today. Having faced the Arctic Vortex conditions I then faced he who remains nameless and came off second best. The new Harry Potter ride uses new technologies to take you places you haven't been before....you ain't kiddin'. A wander through Hogwarts and then Dumblehead spouts some Potterism about living your dreams, so off I wander. As soon as I saw the contraptions we would be loaded into my heart skipped a beat as I was already feeling light headed.




The first 15 seconds were immense as you soared through the air, then the turbulence hit and my goblet of fire emptied quickly. I certainly didn't need any philosopher to tell me where this was going. As I was thrown all over the place I realised this was Defcon 1 and I was putting the ride at risk for the rest if the day or at least bringing a new 4th dimension to the ride. It seemed to go on forever and as we reached the end you normally get a star, Mars bar or other trinket for being a good boy. Not here....my reward a game of quiditch with Potter. This was the final straw and I gulped air held on for grim death without being hallowed and prayed I could hang on. At last we hit a shaky terra firma and my dear family could see all was not right.




Couldn't believe I heard a no-ager shriek ' mama a was flying' when a grown man was on his knees. I nodded farewell and sprinted towards the nearest restroom but before you could say Finite Incantartem it was time and I had not reached my destination. To the horror of those assembled I threw my head towards the nearest garbage can and let it all loose. Not a pretty site and American Customs banned me using any images. I then reckoned I could reach the restroom and stop this public humiliation on the way I knocked anything over in my way including young children and old grannies and would not be surprised if I am now on America' most wanted list.
Having pulled myself together I head back to the hotel myself and am sure I can hear Hagrid say 'you're a wizard 'arry and you're a plonker Bob'.
The rest of the party spend another 3 hours at the park and I am now the butterbeer of all their jokes.

PS late news seemingly the Beasley's created puking pastilles and it maybe that someone spiked my Dr Pepper with one of them....or maybe not.

Start

It doesn't matter if we never meet again,
What we have said will always remain.
If we get through for two minutes only,
It will be a start




And so begins another non-weary day




Have a nice day y'all

And the winner is.......back of the net

Duke of Earl

Yes, I'm gonna love you
Come on let me hold you darlin'
'Cause I'm the Duke of Earl




Well I nurse our bus carefully to Disney Village and while the females of the species head for the largest Disney store on the planet, I take some recovery time outside with a little forty winks dreaming of delights like ORAC to take my mind off my dizzy feeling. They appear 30 minutes later laden with the finest of goods manufactured in far off climes. The moll looks splendid in her Cinderella outfit.
I decide it's a do or die moment and proclaim we are going to Earl of Sandwich for the best hot sandwich in the world. We enter the coliseum and it looks a bit like Pimp up my Subway with similar themes but at another level. I opt for the original Earl that hits the mark from a recovery, taste and cost perspective. Tasty and cheap scran music to the jocks ear and sporran.






Only observation is that the process is almost automated and works like clockwork until the crucial delivery stage. Clearly some six sigma ninja was ishikawad out by time they reached end of process, resulting in a mad free for all. I managed to recover most of our meal and we enjoyed as we planned rest of day.

Running to Stand Still

Step on a steam train
Step out of the driving rain




Well today it was a quick 1, 2 as we head to the parks with less celebrity A list rides. Animal and Hollywood. Often feel visiting these parks is akin to visiting Gregg's last thing at night where there is the odd sausage roll and bridie left but no steak bakes or chicken curry parcels. But there is always one foie gras fancy lurking about and in Animal that is Everest. T2 and I bust a gut to get there ahead of the pack to grab an early ride and gather the fast pass, but lo and behold they are trying out a new FP Plus that confuses me and needs a cast members interaction . So off the 4 of us go to find the Yeti.




Certainly an interesting ride but the sudden drops, backward thrusts and corkscrews are better watched on Strictly than experienced in this orange soaked air. As soon as we touch terra firma the other 3 high five and celebrate a holiday highlight. Unfortunately despite taking air sickness pills, I leave the ride resembling the Grinch and find the earth moving beneath my feet and cannot join the throngs of happy adventurers. I exit sheepishly towards Aladdin's Alavatory and say a few prayers. A gulp of water later I move down to Defcon 3.




Rest of morning spent on Safari and Dino ride and things looking good. Of course to finish off a decent morn it is decided we once again pay homage to the yeti and head on Everest again. Well god loves a trier and if at first you don't succeed.....this time we are at front and ride should be smoother....oh forgot half ride backwards so I will be at most turbulent when going back. This combination finishes me off and I have to use my powers of concentration to keep contents of my stomach invisible from rest of park.

To be continued

Tough Being a Bug

Sometimes words are not enough.

Crisis what Crisis

Can someone tell me what I need to know,
Can someone help me to get on with the show




Having basked in some decent sun over first couple of days, Orlando is going to be hit by the polar vertex tomorrow and temperatures are going to drop by over 40 degrees Fahrenheit to freezing. I am certainly not going to belittle the event and realise a number of my friends in the States are getting it bad at moment, but watching the specials on telly is really strange; storm watch and freezing florida to name but two. Appreciate it may impact produce and pets but is scheduled to be here for 6 hours. Feels like the way we react in UK at the first sign of snow whereas other parts of the US are really suffering with incredible temperatures. My brother in law lives in Minnesota and noticed today they were -35 CELSIUS at one point. That is pure cold and worthy of news. Anyway I guess the water rides will be closed tomorrow but genuinely hope that all come through the other side ok, including my cosy Floridian neighbours.

Lady in Red

I never will forget the way you look tonight...




Throughout my life I have had many things I love including Mars Bars, Pie Beans & Chips, corned beef and bean rolls and Tunnocks teacakes but one thing top trumps all these and that is.....red headed women. The first time I visited Disney it was the voluptuous curves of Jessica Rabbit and although she was a girl around Toon she always triggered a flush within my inners.








Years went by and new kids arrived on the block Jessie the Cowgirl and Giselle hit the mark, but year after year I return to the same girl....Ariel that beautiful fishy like creation. It is no tail to say I rate her 11/10 on any scale and am happy she is part of my world.




I was delighted that she now has her own clam shell special in Magic Kingdom and as children enjoyed the ride they found themselves serenaded by a lovely Scottish voice that boomed out every word. T2 acknowledged my duet with the lady in red was to behold and is captured on video for posterity.

My lady in red.........

Surf's Up

Hang five, keep it alive, and let me jump down low on the toes of the nose




Well what better way to relax after a brief sandwich lunch that to hurl myself into one of the best water rides about. The Popeye ride is one of my favourites and although weather late 70's it appears to be cold enough to keep the Floridians off the water and is a walk on. I do my best Clark Kent and disappear into a local water closet and reappear as that Scottish super hero Daft Bob. Having discarded any normal wear I appear with showerproof top and no undergarments and a pair of shocking boardies with my renowned lime green socks. I then head off with the family to do battle with Bluto. First round very wet but enjoyable so worth another go. Second with T2 more uncomfortable as the Moll and T3 pay a dollar to fire a water gun at us mid stream...payback for my Small World porkies. Best laugh was round 3 when we were joined by a New Yoyk princess and her man. They strolled up to the ride quaffing alcohol and then entered our barge and relaxed horizontally as we set off. I wished and wished and wished and then boom they all came true. Every turn she was hit, every dollar paid above ground was a direct hit and the final turn she was hit by a wall of water that covered her from her perfect hair to her manicured toe nails. The princess turned into a drooned rat in 4.5 minutes and deserved every bit. I sensed a fiancé may have appeared in gum tree the next day. I returned to my closet and released my super human skills, but then found I had kept my main undergarment on under my boardies and was well uncomfortable as I was wet through. Daft Bob left with a walk of a cowboy.
Defeated Dino on Jurassic Park and then headed for the new Harry Potter land which was impressive with lashings of butter beer, chocolate frogs, spells a plenty and the cash registers ringing out the sound of gringotts being spent. We are in early on Wednesday and will explore further.




Final part of day was exploring Seuss land and we were fortunate enough to bump into Mr Grinch in a bookshop and after we got a family photo taken I exclaimed it was my birthday and would love a photo with him and I. Looking back I can't believe an over 30 publicly showed his excitement at meeting a character.....but it was cool.




What if Christmas, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!

Land of Make Believe

Run for the sun
little one
you're an outlaw once again.
Time to change;
Peter Pan will be with us while he can -
In the land of make believe.




Well another early morning start and then along the 192 to the magicalist of kingdoms. The delights of the kingdom can be seen in the distance as we travel on the monorail. Arrive on time to see the super dee duper opening with the main characters arriving on the east coast 08.42 to the nauseating zippadeedooda vocals being pumped out in an Ibiza like fashion. The big M welcomes us to his park and some Sheila and Bruce from Sydney announce the park is open.
It's then on your marks, get set and elbows out as we strategically head for Splash Mountain that closes for maintenance tonight. Some fall at the first and barely make it through the gates, some are distracted by the lure of a picture with M, M, DD, P and G, some are rugby tackled and some just head for candy. We continue like the Jamaican relay team to force the pace until we are stopped by a rolling road block to control the splash/thunder mountain masses. PS Main St looked cool in its Christmas colours but was a blur with our supersonic pace.




We reach the entrance at 08.53 in bronze medal position and Dwight is there to advise that Brer Rabbit is having some technical issues this morning and the ride currently not open. Now I don't know if he had slept in but nothing short of myxomatosis would be acceptable in my books. Many groans and confusion as carefully arranged plans disintegrate into the less than magical air. We opt to get a fast pass in hope the pesky rabbit will sober up at some point in day.




Anyway contingency planning in full mode and the no brainer is to head for Thunder and introduce T3 to a decent ride. Was brill and after her initial concerns she is whooping and hands in air by turn 5. I of course grip on to the bar like grim death but at same time love the journey that is akin to tomTom taking my mountain routes rather than the nearby motorways. We loved it so much that we went on 3 times before 9.45. A 4th was beckoning but my PBJ was also threatening a re-appearance so common sense prevailed.




A trip to Haunted Manor brought a successful conclusion to the first part of day and T3 not fooled by the claim it was like Small World with some spiders!

Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialise (to my dearest T1 x)

Shakin' All Over

Quivers down the backbone
Yeah, the shakes in the knee bone
I got the tremors in the thigh bone
Shakin' all over




Well we park up on Spider-Man and already the views across the park fill us with joy, particularly the overaged child RJL who whoops like a whooper and hollers like a hollerer as he sees his challenge for the day. T2 and T3 watch in disbelief as I tackle the moving walkway with a song and dance routine Brucy would be proud of at any time. Fellow pedestrians assume that I must have some condition, but the Moll shakes her head as she's seen it all below. No warnings of approaching end of walkway for me, just a hop skip and jump and City Walks is beneath my feet.




Obligatory queue while family of the day, the McGlumsheys frae Castlemilk open the park and then the sprint to the first ride. Having researched thoroughly we head Exocet like to the Minnions ride which was enjoyable and saved us 75 mins later. The M and T2 then head of and do the Mummy twice while I take T3 on Twister. T3s red eyes tell me she is hesitant and frightened by the pre-show noises but I assure her it's like a Small World with a little wind.....oops. She grips on to me and lasts the storm but Daddy in trouble now.




We then do the usual family rides and then after an aborted attempt earlier I am dragged on the Mummy and for 120 seconds and at speeds up to 45mph have the time of my life and let out shrieks of joy mixed in with a little fear that Kate Bush would be proud of. My years of commuting on the Glasgow/Edinburgh line have trained me well.



I often wonder how I can cope with this and not a technologically advanced flying tin can. Although I did down 2 airsickness pills before hitting the rides!